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Poison Elves: Lost Tales #1
Review posted: 23 Feb 2006
Writer: Aaron Bordner
Artist: Aaron Bordner
Publisher: Sirius Entertainment
1.00 out of 5 Stars
Reviewed by Robert Murray
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A demonic clown. A scantily-clad evil wench. A fairy that fights
huge, muscled creatures. An elf named Lusiphur. I really should have
known better than to pick up this atrocious issue. Do any of you
sometimes walk into a comic book shop looking for something unlike
what you normally read? That’s what I did last week, ending up
with this weak attempt at illustrated entertainment. This issue looks
and feels like a comic strip that a teenager in high school would draw
up while he was bored in history class. It has the same mentality,
and I’ll be darned if it doesn’t have a lot of the same
pubescent preoccupations: boobs, blood, and bad manners. Also, there
is really no story to speak of, only two different battles going on
throughout the entire issue. It’s as if Aaron Bordner just
wanted to draw some cool action shots and worry about the story later.
However, later never came.
Rather than telling a tale, Bordner seems to
have an overwhelming desire to show blood and severed limbs.
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I would love to talk to some fans of this new Poison Elves
series and ask them: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? This issue has absolutely
no aesthetic value of any kind, and I really pity anyone who plunked
down hard-earned cash on this (like me). When you are trying to write
humor into your tale, Mr. Bordner, let me give you a little hint: MAKE
THE HUMOR FUNNY! I groaned out loud when I read the section that is
clearly an homage to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Instead of making this segment witty and quirky, Bordner ruins it by
having the “golden ticket” say “This ticket entitles
the holder to a free ass-whipping of a lifetime.” Really, Mr.
Bordner, you could have come up with something better than childish
potty talk!
Also, the art within this issue has a lot to be desired. Like I
said earlier, the pencils remind me more of doodles than serious comic
book art. The action scenes are stilted and there seems to be no true
flow from panel to panel. Rather than telling a tale, Bordner seems to
have an overwhelming desire to show blood and severed limbs. Gore
does not make a story, Mr. Bordner. There has to be some sort of
element of characterization or plot in order to hold readers and keep
them interested in the events that are unfolding before them. I think
what shocked me most after reading this issue was when I turned back
to the front cover and saw that this issue was designated for mature
readers. This was directed toward adults? I can’t think of a
single adult comic book reader that I know who would sincerely enjoy
this convoluted mess of an issue. Better to target the kiddies with
this kind of entertainment.
Needless to say, I won’t buy any further offerings from
Sirius Entertainment if this is the kind of product they are
promoting. I keep thinking back to the last page of Lost Tales
#1 and the sad excuse of a cliff-hanger splash page that Aaron
Bordner offers up to end this issue. It gives me the chills, and not
in a good way. This is the type of comic book that contributed to the
artistic downfall of American comic books in the 1990s. Readers, stay
far, FAR away from this issue!
By the way, the single star rating is for the description of “What
Came Before” at the beginning of the issue. Ah, there was still
a glimmer of hope then…
—CCdC—
Cover image used without explicit permission in accordance with the "Fair Use" provision of US copyright law.
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